Thursday, June 12, 2008


Hooray, I'm done with my first year of grad school!!! In the end, it really was a lot less painful than I thought it'd be, though that's in large part due to the fact that I switched programs of course :) I read my diary last night and was a bit overcome with compassion for my six-months-ago-self, as I wrote so despairingly in confusion over why I was here, what I was supposed to be doing, where I was supposed to be going. Of course God always has a plan, so it's nice to see that, even if I have to look back on it before I believe it! :) The past few weeks have been really trying, but overall I'm pleased with where I am, and I think I've grown a lot since I moved to Chicago. Not exactly in a way that I can articulate right now, but I hope the growth continues. It's fun to think about my grandparents and how they've had whole lives already. They've experienced so much, and they've fought the same battles I'm fighting, learned the same lessons, and grown into a pair of really wise people. Someday (I hope!) I can look back at my grandchildren and be excited for them with their whole lives in front of them, knowing a bit more about what's to come. There is hurting, which is something a bit new for me to say, because I think I sort of felt like you could avoid a lot of pain if you planned things correctly, or that because God protected us we wouldn't hurt, which is just silly as these times are when God chooses to teach us the most. And I think in a lot of ways I thought I was growing out of the "teenage angst" phase, and that the next phase would just be a lot happier. I guess in a way it has--there have been some really great joys--but there seem to be bigger hurts as well. But that's okay. Just as surely as I've made it this far, I can go further. And I have a new plan, which does make me feel a lot more comfortable! I'm still definitely not without hope that things will work out in the end. :)

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